And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
