so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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