I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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