john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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