Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk is a universal language darling
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