OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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