i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
