Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
