Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
