Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
