According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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