It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
