You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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