please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
