I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
