i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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