they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
