I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
