Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
