I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
