I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
