Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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