I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
