you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know her cup size but not her name....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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