My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
