He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
