My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize