In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
