Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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