We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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