2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize