I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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