God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
