I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
