so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
