the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
