I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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