ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
