I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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