just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
