just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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