dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
