It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
