Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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