For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize