Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
