I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
