dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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