My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize