john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize