his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
