i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
