I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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