This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
