One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
