THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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