I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize