This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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