There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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