you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
