singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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