I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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