idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
