I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
