Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
