Im at strip club and am horny
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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