My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I need moral support for this bender
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
