I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
