I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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