Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
