Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
