It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
