So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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