Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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