she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
