Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
