she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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