no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize