Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
