Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
