Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
